Tuesday, April 5, 2011

To my dear blog readers (if I have any remaining!). I know I’ve taken a big hiatus the past few months and as a result, may have lost some of you. But, I’m back now and have lots to say. I guess I just needed a break for awhile and sometimes, I like to internalize things before writing about them.

So, this first topic has been on my mind for a few weeks. I’ve been very sensitive and a little lonely lately. I think it’s because I’m anticipating some big changes that are coming into my life soon and it makes me extra sensitive. The big changes are: moving out on my own (without roommates) and moving to a family ward/congregation. Now, I know this won’t sound like a very big change to many of you, but let me explain. I’ve had roommates or lived with family for 36 years- my entire life! I never thought I’d live alone. I thought I’d be married with my own family by now. So, that hasn’t worked out. Let me clarify that I’m also excited about living on my own and would’ve done it before now (if rent/housing weren’t so darn expensive in the Bay are). However, I guess I have some mixed feelings about it.

I’m worried that I won’t have good friends. It sounds stupid when I say it, but I’ll explain further. I’m a introvert. I’ve worked really hard through my life to compensate for this. I go to parties, make myself be talkative, reach out to people that I normally wouldn’t. But, my nature is just more introspective and introverted and this is getting more pronounced as I get older. Nothing wrong with that, but it does mean that I have to make reaching out to people a priority. My natural inclination is to turn inwards and be on my own- solo.

Another worry is that I don’t make as much of an effort to make girlfriends. I really crave male attention, so when I do make the effort to be social, I usually call a guy friend. I have some really great guy friends. Unfortunately, guess who are the people that are planning parties, trips, and get togethers? It’s not the guys (usually). More often than not, it’s the women in the ward because 1. There are more of them, 2. They want to be social 3. Let’s face it. ‘older’ single Mormon guys don’t have to plan any social gathering. They can have all their social needs met just by participating in already planned activities (organized by the lovely ladies in their ward). Unfortunately, since I haven’t made as many girlfriends, this means I get left out a lot. Now, I accept responsibility that I don’t reach out to women very much and I’m trying to fix this. But, it takes awhile.

I need a change.


Min said...

You are the bravest person I know. You will soar on this next venture, because you are incapable of failing once you set your mind to do something. Good luck. You rock!

Anonymous said...

I wasn't afraid of not having any really good friends when I transitioned into marriage and I SHOULD HAVE because I don't have any really good close friends. It's awful lonely at times when I need sorority.

I feel for your right now. Transition is painful. God speed Friend!

k8 said...

living alone is glorious, i promise : ) you are going to love it!

Anonymous said...

Linda, great to see your back blogging!! Was thinking about you today and decided to see if had written anything on Lindapalooza. Thanks for your blog, very nice, I need to make a run up to the bay and see you, since you have already visited me twice down here in Socal. take care Linda, your awesome!!

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